Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World - By Kristen Welch
The other day my 10-year-old son asked me if I would take him to a local sporting store. Upon questioning his reasons for needing to go to the store, he shared with me that he wanted to use the money he had received from his birthday on buying his sister the longboard she had been eyeing for months. I explained to him that she didn’t have a birthday approaching any time soon, Christmas is still months off, and the cost of the board is more than what we spend on such gifts. He proceeded to try to reason with me that it was his money, he had thought about it long and hard, and he wanted to do this for his sister. My son walked out of that sporting store that day, receipt in hand, longboard tucked safely under his arm and a giant smile on his face.
When we returned home we found my 13-year-old daughter outside in the backyard mowing. My son got her attention and pulled out from behind his back the colorful board. My daughter’s eyes got big, her jaw dropped and she grinned ear to ear. After thanking him for such a selfless gift she pulled me aside and asked me to take her to the local supermarket. Now questioning her why she felt the urgency for me to get back in the car and drive her across town, she shared with me she wanted to use the money she was saving for that longboard to go get her brother the new scooter he had been wanting. I’ve got to admit, at this point I was very confused why they were spending their money to buy each other such gifts when 1) there wasn’t a holiday and 2) they could have each just bought their own item. Trying not to rationalize what was going on, I just appreciated that their hearts were thinking of the other and they were selflessly giving from their heart.
Needless to say, they both enjoyed their new wheels that evening. Several nights later and they still go on rides together around the neighborhood. Now, I’d like to tell you that this is how they always are, but I value the honesty I am known for in my character. Ha! Let’s face it, they are little humans and our human nature is selfish - so of course, they don’t always behave this way, but in this moment I relished in the satisfaction and thanked God that in a society that screams “me”, my children were focusing on each other.
This beautiful, selfless exchange between my children brought to mind the book Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch. In this book Kristen helps us teach our children the difference of wants vs. needs, teaching moments that us parents tend to miss with their kids, how we can make smart choices and cultivate obedience while living out God’s love in our home, how gratitude is a choice and even provides recommends resources for us parents to utilize to learn and implement more in our upbringing of our children.
Kristen starts out reminding us as parents that “the only thing a child is really entitled to is his parents’ love” and that when they begin to expect, nor shall we even dare say demand, more than that becomes an issue. This can help us as parents be reminded that just because our children want something doesn’t mean we have to provide it - they can earn it, work for it, or perhaps even go without realizing that we can survive disappointments and discouragements in life. There are times one of my children has commented, “but it will make me happy,” to which I have then shared with them the heart issue behind such a statement and helped them understand the difference between joy and happiness.
In a world with temptations to keep up with the Jones’, I valued the validation from the author that “we cannot make our parenting choices based on what others are doing.” She goes on to say “we have to purpose our lives with intention.” This ties into the concept that when our children put in effort to get what they want (not the effort in throwing a fit, but effort in working for it, earning it) they tend to appreciate it more. I saw this live out in my own life growing up and how my parents had us kids do chores, contribute to the family work days pulling weeds, serving others with our time and finances, and receive consequences for not doing so. Everything we had we had a new level of appreciation and care for because we had made sacrifices to get it.
As parents we desire to have a close relationship with our kids, and therefore we can sometimes be tempted not to punish or follow through with consequences, but the author reminds us the fact that children actually crave structure - that structure often helps them feel more loved. She goes on to share with us the importance of kids experiencing little disappointments so that they will best know how to handle major disappointments throughout life.
The author goes on to share with us seven potential problems of a child-centered home to include them expecting more of us and less of themselves, burdening them with unhealthy pressure, and reinforcing selfishness. Overall this book does a fabulous job at helping parents equip their children to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them and that it is a blessing to serve and celebrate others. Want to help your children excel in life, contribute to society while investing in their community and others around them - then put this book on your must-reads today.
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