The Art of Not Arguing: Leadership Lessons from Wildlife Encounters

Have you ever felt that urgent need to correct someone, to prove you're right at all costs? It's a natural instinct many of us share, but as I discovered during a memorable Caribbean cruise, sometimes the wisest leadership move is simply choosing not to argue.

My family recently embarked on a Western Caribbean cruise to celebrate my daughter's high school graduation and 18th birthday. Among our planned excursions was what we considered a true bucket-list experience: holding sloths and playing with monkeys in Honduras. We had anticipated this adventure for months, discussing it excitedly with anyone who would listen. When our cruise ship's head waiter inquired about our plans for the next port, we enthusiastically shared our upcoming wildlife encounter. His response, however, caught me off guard – he casually mentioned unlike where we were going, in his home country he was able to hold and play with the monkeys. My immediate internal reaction was disbelief. Surely he was mistaken or had misunderstood our excursion details. The temptation to correct him, to explain ourselves, or even to Google the information to prove him wrong was incredibly strong. Yet something inside me suggested I simply let the conversation go without argument.

The following day in Honduras, we discovered the waiter had been absolutely correct. A new wildlife protection law had indeed been implemented in April 2025, prohibiting tourist interactions with sloths and monkeys. The legislation was designed to ensure these animals received adequate rest between human interactions and sufficient time in their natural environments. While the law certainly made sense from an animal welfare perspective, I was struck by how ready I had been to argue without having all the facts. This experience crystallized an important leadership principle: our influence often depends more on what we choose not to say than what we do say. The energy we might waste proving a point, especially when we lack complete information, can undermine our effectiveness as leaders and damage relationships unnecessarily.

This experience reinforced three critical leadership lessons worth implementing in professional and personal contexts. First, prioritize curiosity over certainty. Harvard Business Review research indicates that leaders who ask more questions are rated as more effective by 85% of employees. As Aristotle wisely noted, "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." When we lead with questions instead of defensive statements, we open doors to understanding rather than closing them through rigid certainty. Second, preserve relationships over winning points. Studies from the University of California demonstrate that contentious debates in workplace teams can lead to a 27% decrease in trust between members. Is proving your point really worth potentially damaging a valuable professional relationship? The third lesson centers on timing – sometimes the wisest response is no immediate response at all. In our instantaneous world, we often feel pressured to react immediately to emails, texts, or verbal comments. However, building in a deliberate pause allows us to assess whether an argument is truly necessary or beneficial. By implementing these three principles – pausing before responding, replacing statements with questions, and consciously building our "let it go" muscle – we can transform our leadership approach and create more productive, harmonious environments. Remember, resisting the urge to argue isn't a sign of weakness but rather a demonstration of true leadership strength.

Check out the full episode of The Power of Not Arguing on Holly’s Highlights podcast, season 6 episode 20. Available wherever you listen to podcasts (Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pandora and more!).